Oh, dear. There's a world of "ouch!" in your reply.
Put it this way: I think the story would have been better if you had dropped the American phraseology/accent (such as "a whole lotta tail" or "two outta three"). It would still have been noir if you had kept Ralph's dialect intact.
What really makes it noir is the world-weary, cynical, bitter tone. And you caught that beautifully.
Re: (not sure I *can* write noir)
Put it this way: I think the story would have been better if you had dropped the American phraseology/accent (such as "a whole lotta tail" or "two outta three"). It would still have been noir if you had kept Ralph's dialect intact.
What really makes it noir is the world-weary, cynical, bitter tone. And you caught that beautifully.