[sticky entry] Sticky: deets

Dec. 8th, 2018 08:21 am
toujours_nigel: BFT (Default)
I'm [personal profile] toujours_nigel/[archiveofourown.org profile] toujours_nigel/[tumblr.com profile] walburgablack, You can also call me Rhea, or TJ. I like to rant about things at the drop of a hat, and bigotry will get you banned.

This journal is mostly public, so friending/subscribing is wonderful but not remotely required. I don't post very often, and have been unable to alter that for years, but I'm trying. Most of what I post is fic or ficbits or occasionally icons or meta. There will be personal stuff now and then, but that's mostly not what this journal is about/for.

I love comments, but I get that they can be difficult--they often are for me--so in lieu of likes/reblogs, you can stick a ♥ in the comments (if you want) and we'll go from there. I also like longer comments, so you do your thing. I try to answer all comments, but my attention might lag at the tail-end of a long conversation. Comment on anything you like, no matter how old. :)

I would love to have my fic live-blogged, read-through, transformed or engaged with in any way. Just maybe drop me a line, and link me to whatever you do. I especially cherish art, because I have no visual imagination.

Demographic note: Indian, Bengali, Hindu, lesbian, Ph.D candidate. I speak and write English and Bengali, and struggle with idiomatic Hindi.

[sticky entry] Sticky: fic prompts

Dec. 21st, 2018 12:16 am
toujours_nigel: BFT (Default)
Please leave a prompt with your character/s of choice (upto four) and some sort of short prompt: a word, a colour, a phrase, or even a song. I am hoping to collect about thirty, so as to work on them through till my next birthday.

Expect each fic to be roughly 1000-3000 words long.

Fandoms are Mahabharata, Iliad, The Charioteer, Harry Potter, every SRK film, Little Women, Austen novels, Renault's Alexander series. Other things if you know I'm familiar.

ETA: I will periodically update this doc to reflect prompts given. Cease and desist once I've hit 30, please.

  • Pride and Prejudice; Elizabeth/Darcy; collaboration
  • The Charioteer, Ralph/Bunny, the short drunk that preceded the long hangover  
  • The Queen's Thief; Costis/Kamet (but up to you); winter
  • Harry and Luna (or Harry/Luna as you see fit), joy
  • Om Shanti Om, Shantipriya & Any, “Bitter your acts, bitter am I, Kindness your deeds, kindness am I.”(Rumi)
  • Mahabharata, Any, who you are in the darkness
  • Jodhaa Akbar, Jodhaa & Any, “Love is paying attention”
  • Mahabharata, Any, Gallivant
  • Masters of Rome; Sulla and Julius Caesar; Sulla's thoughts when he meets Caesar and Caesar refuses to divorce his wife
  • Jodhaa Akbar; Bakshi Banu and Jodhaa; relationship
  • Mahabharata; Kunti and Gandhari; sisterhood
  • The Last of the Wine - Alexias and Thalia in the aftermath of Lysis' death
  • Mughal-e-Azam, Bahar/Anarkali, jealousy and kindness (this is a reach, feel to ignore)
  • Kal Ho Na Ho - AU where Aman doesn't die????
  • Aśoka (2001), Aśoka and enlightenment
toujours_nigel: (writer)
Didn’t I stand there once,
white-knuckled, gripping the just-lit taper,
swearing I’d never go back?
And hadn’t you kissed the rain from my mouth?
And weren’t we gentle and awed and afraid,
knowing we’d stepped from the room of desire
into the further room of love?
And wasn’t it sacred, the sweetness
we licked from each other’s hands?
And were we not lovely, then, were we not
as lovely as thunder, and damp grass, and flame?
toujours_nigel: (writer)
I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love—put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind.
toujours_nigel: (writer)
I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as one loves certain obscure things,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries
the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself,
and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose
from the earth lives dimly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you directly without problems or pride:
I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,
except in this form in which I am not nor are you,
so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,
so close that your eyes close with my dreams.
toujours_nigel: coiled green snake (slytherin)
so angry and this whole post is gonna be under a cut because I'm furious. Also because talking about death and phobia and narrative choices in that regard.

mostly eliot and margo )
toujours_nigel: sunlight falling on a rumpled bed with three pillows (polyamory)
If you like me are wrecked about The Magicians' S04 finale, may I recommend Those People where Jason Ralph is a queer depressed person who gets to climb his way into agentive happiness with the help of his friends, at least one of whom is queer and very in love with him.

It's a beautiful and empathetic film, and will not claw your heart out of your chest and gloat about it. It is also a riff on Brideshead Revisited that is kinda sorta a fix-it for that canon, but mostly it is a very nice movie.

In extremely related news I am a wreck about the finale, so feel free to scream at me about it.

toujours_nigel: hennaed torso of an amab person (masculinity)
This isn't among the ones I'm working on, so it's just a premise rather than anything like a proper plot, but that's what DW's for.

under a cut to spare you all )

And yeah, I just finished reading The Goblin Emperor, and also yes if you're familiar with the Mahabharata you can see what I'm riffing off.

toujours_nigel: (writer)
Sometimes things don't go, after all,
from bad to worse. Some years, muscadel
faces down frost; green thrives; the crops don't fail,
sometimes a man aims high, and all goes well.

A people sometimes will step back from war;
elect an honest man, decide they care
enough, that they can't leave some stranger poor.
Some men become what they were born for.

Sometimes our best efforts do not go
amiss, sometimes we do as we meant to.
The sun will sometimes melt a field of sorrow
that seemed hard frozen: may it happen for you.
toujours_nigel: (writer)
Talking in bed ought to be easiest
Lying together there goes back so far
An emblem of two people being honest.

Yet more and more time passes silently.
Outside the wind's incomplete unrest
builds and disperses clouds about the sky.

And dark towns heap up on the horizon.
None of this cares for us. Nothing shows why
At this unique distance from isolation

It becomes still more difficult to find
Words at once true and kind
Or not untrue and not unkind.
toujours_nigel: BFT (Default)
In war time women turn to red
swivel-up scarlet and carmine
not in solidarity with spilt blood
but as a badge of beating hearts.

This crimson is the shade of poets
silenced for speaking against torture,
this vermillion is art
surviving solitary confinement,

this cerise defies the falling bombs
the snipers taking aim at bread-queues,
this ruby’s the resilience of girls
who tango in the pale-lipped face of death.
toujours_nigel: (writer)
Do not try to save
the whole world
or do anything grandiose.
Instead, create
a clearing
in the dense forest
of your life
and wait there
until the song
that is your life
falls into your own cupped hands
and you recognize and greet it.
Only then will you know
how to give yourself
to this world
so worth of rescue.
toujours_nigel: (writer)
“Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -

I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me.
toujours_nigel: (writer)
The wax has melted
but the dream of flight
I, Icarus, though grounded
in my flesh
have one bright section in me
where a bird
night after starry night
while I'm asleep
unfolds its phantom wings
and practices.
toujours_nigel: (writer)
My notebook has remained blank for months
thanks to the light you shower
around me. I have no use
for my pen, which lies
languorously without grief.

Nothing is better than to live
a storyless life that needs
no writing for meaning—
when I am gone, let others say
they lost a happy man,
though no one can tell how happy I was.
toujours_nigel: (writer)
So, there’s no way to be sure. Not
about much of anything. No more about
anyone else than ourselves. Perhaps
not even of death, except that it’s bound
to happen. To you, yes; to me, us: the lot
of humankind, given how humankind sees it
from this near side. So what.

So nothing that we here and now
can perfectly know. Save, though the lens
our eyes raise, the old here and now.
The this, the already-going that moves us.
The red-shift we’re constantly part of.
And why not? Between what we were, and
are going to be, is who and how we best love.
toujours_nigel: (writer)
From dusk to dawn,
From town to town,
Without a single clue,
I seek the tender, slender foot
To fit this crystal shoe.
From dusk to dawn,
I try it on
Each damsel that I meet.
And I still love her so, but oh,
I've started hating feet.
toujours_nigel: (writer)
Pulling out of the old scarred skin
(old rough thing I don't need now
I strip off
slip out of
leave behind)

I slough off deadscales
flick skinflakes to the ground

Shedding toughness
peeling layers down
to vulnerable stuff

And I'm blinking off old eyelids
for a new way of seeing

By the rock I rub against
I'm going to be tender again

Fic Post

Apr. 7th, 2019 08:35 pm
toujours_nigel: woman's crowned head (queen and empress)
[personal profile] avani008 prompted a Hunger Games AU for the Kuru Royal Family Tree.

kṣudhitam (3474 words) by toujours_nigel
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Mahabharata - Vyasa
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Draupadi & Krishna, Duryodhana & Dushala, Duryodhana & Krishna, Krishna & Satyabhama
Characters: Draupadi (Mahabharata), Amba | Shikandi (Mahabharata), Duryodhana (Mahabharatha), Dushala (Mahabharatha), Krishna (Hindu Religions & Lore), Satyabhama (Mahabharata)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Hunger Games Setting

toujours_nigel: (writer)
I thought, as I wiped my eyes on the corner of my apron:
Penelope did this too.
And more than once: you can't keep weaving all day
And undoing it all through the night;
Your arms get tired, and the back of your neck gets tight;
And along towards morning, when you think it will never be light,
And your husband has been gone, and you don't know where, for years.
Suddenly you burst into tears;
There is simply nothing else to do.

And I thought, as I wiped my eyes on the corner of my apron:
This is an ancient gesture, authentic, antique,
In the very best tradition, classic, Greek;
Ulysses did this too.
But only as a gesture,—a gesture which implied
To the assembled throng that he was much too moved to speak.
He learned it from Penelope...
Penelope, who really cried.
toujours_nigel: (writer)
When did your name
change from a proper noun
to a charm?

Its three vowels
like jewels
on the thread of my breath.

Its consonants
brushing my mouth
like a kiss.

I love your name.
I say it again and again
in this summer rain.

I see it,
discreet in the alphabet,
like a wish.

I pray it
into the night
till its letters are light.

I hear your name
rhyming, rhyming,
rhyming with everything.


toujours_nigel: BFT (Default)

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