In lieu of a flesh-debt

[toujours_nigel]

let's write. Give me a

• fandom
• character/pairing (andOR/)
• prompt (a line, a word, a situation, an AU)

and I will write at least 500 words of fic.

Comments

Re: (not sure I *can* write noir)

[greerwatson]

To concrit or not to concrit, that is the question....

Re: (not sure I *can* write noir)

[toujours_nigel]

Oh, concrit away.

Re: (not sure I *can* write noir)

[greerwatson]

On the one hand, you have a fair grip on the style and idiom of the classic American hard-boiled dick. On the other hand, I have no difficulty in projecting Ralph Lanyon as becoming a private detective in an AU where he never learned that Laurie was still alive. Embittered, cynical ... all that. I just have trouble getting the two hands to shake each other.

If Ralph were to emigrate to the States, it's hard to see him assuming the American idiom successfully, even as protective colour. It's notoriously hard to sound right. (Think of all the American actors trying to sound British and vice versa. I'm not saying that no one pulls it off. But it's rare.) Also, of course, one then has to decide if Laurie's in the States or Ralph returned to Britain. The story suggests a British locale, probably London.

Contrariwise, if Ralph were to stay in London, the traditional American hard-boiled style would be inappropriate. I could see him trying to ape a working class, somewhat Cockney style, using the term in a loose fashion, seeing that as appropriate for the job he's doing. Only I doubt if he'd pull that accent off, either. (He did lighting for the school play, after all. Now if he'd been the star!) In any case, Ralph seems the sort to cling to class to the bitter end.

Which doesn't mean I don't like the story. I love the idea of a post-war Laurie wanting to hire a private detective (for some sordid private reason, such as blackmail, no doubt), and the two meeting again after so long.

(An overly long comment for a story so short, I fear.)

Re: (not sure I *can* write noir)

[toujours_nigel]

Er. Well if I did Cockney it would be the worst sort of parody so I thought I ought not try. But yes it's supposed to be London.

Re: (not sure I *can* write noir)

[greerwatson]

Oh, dear. There's a world of "ouch!" in your reply.

Put it this way: I think the story would have been better if you had dropped the American phraseology/accent (such as "a whole lotta tail" or "two outta three"). It would still have been noir if you had kept Ralph's dialect intact.

What really makes it noir is the world-weary, cynical, bitter tone. And you caught that beautifully.

Re: (not sure I *can* write noir)

[toujours_nigel]

eh, no, my phone cut me off and then I was too busy crying over a film. *g*

I agree with you, actually. The trouble is I've very little idea what the corresponding Britishisms would be, to bring out the tough-guyness of it all.