Incomplete

[toujours_nigel]

Wrote and made an audio-clip of this for a friend's installation about menstruation.

I haven’t bled in six months.
On my last visit home, a gynaecologist told me it’s one of the signs of a complete woman. I sat in front of him, incomplete; my mother, who hasn’t menstruated in years, incomplete; his wife, the reason we were consulting him, incomplete and bringing us tea, biscuits, urging us to eat while he explained the reproductive system with far more condescension than the topic warranted.
"Girls with PCOS should marry early because having kids is a problem," he told me, and then asked my age.
29, for the record. 29 and the last six months have been the first in sixteen years when I haven’t spent a quarter of every month in pain and afraid. Afraid of staining my clothes, afraid of starting to bleed unprepared, afraid of the rich red stink of it, afraid of the rash on my thighs like a scourge. Afraid of fainting from the pain that rolls me back into a fetal curl, craving chocolate, tea, soup, salted and warm liquids to replenish me while I shed the chance for that month’s child.
Every month’s child. Another sign of being incomplete, my distaste for motherhood, my joy in not bleeding, the freedom of wearing white and climbing trees without being afraid.

Comments

[greerwatson]

"rich red stink"

Very good phrase. Not a nice odour. Also "unnice": the soggy wetness of a pad that needs changing; the wet, bloody, sticky strings of pubic hair when you take the pad off; the bloody edges of your underwear, which you scrub at the sink till your hand goes numb under the ever-colder stream of water from the tap as you try to get the stain out.... (Perhaps you use tampons?)

What do you use for pain? Been there, suffered that ... until they invented ibuprofen, which is magic.

By the way, six months is rather a long time at your age. You may need another check-up. This notion thrills you unutterably, I know. Still, embarrassing though it may be, it's a matter of health.

All us girls women stick together, etc. etc.

[toujours_nigel]

Hot water bags and paracetamol, mostly. And copious amounts of dark chocolate. *g*

I think it's mostly stopped because of the work stress, but yeah, will go for a lovely visit in August. Can't be bothered rn.

[greerwatson]

Are you allergic to ibuprofen (Motrin, Advil)? If not, then I strongly recommend you try it. I know it's basically used as a painkiller. However, it doesn't just mask the cramps. It actually gets to the root cause of them.

I mean this. If it only masked the pain, the abdomen would still be tying itself into knots. A sufficiently strong dose of ibuprofen stops the cramps. I think it affects prostaglandin levels, or something like that. However, it's important to start as soon as possible, i.e. before the level has built up. You can then keep taking the drug at a maintenance level. Otherwise, you need a much stronger dose to have an effect.

When they first invented the stuff, I had a prescription for 800mg tablets to be taken at 8 hr intervals. Disregard this. As soon as the cramps appear, take a couple of regular pills (now non-prescription). Wait a half hour. If the cramps persist, take two more. Repeat as necessary.

I found that in a "good" month, a couple of pills every four hours or so was sufficient. In a "bad" month, I'd have taken four two-pill doses (i.e. over one-and-a-half hours) before the cramps were killed, and would have to start again two hours later. Obviously, you could be at either extreme or somewhere in the middle; also, if you're like me, not every month is equally bad.

What positions, stretching etc. do you use to try to alleviate the pain? On the whole, I found that lying stretched out flat was mostly best: if you curl up, you are actually using muscles that tighten over the abdomen, making it worse.

How do you breathe during bad cramps? Do you shift to quick shallow breaths, or go to the slow deep ones? It's important to keep as relaxed as possible so you don't start thrashing about in convulsions; and breathing properly can help. This is the same sort of breathing used by women in childbirth.

Also, do you throw up?

(As I said before: been there, done that. I may be past menopause now, but I haven't forgotten!)

[toujours_nigel]

I'll try ibuprofen, thank you!

[fawatson]

Hmmm...yes... I remember those peculiar male-centric views which suggested I ought to mourn the lack of conception each month and the loss of fertility that came with menopause, especially when I had never had a child. It was relief rather than loss that I felt. Relief each month back in the day when I was sexually active (that I had not conceived) and relief that the whole messy painful business was over and done with eventually.